Huguette . wrote:
In saying, “still I have the work of coming upon such action myself”, is the mind in the process of fragmenting --- myself from the work, myself from such action, “now” from “eventually”, etc.? Isn't fragmentation (if that's what it is) the mental activity of measuring, ascribing value, comparing --- ascribing value to “action which has significance in itself” and to action which does not, comparing myself who does not act without preconceived significance against one who does, measuring myself as falling short or being deficient, and so on?

When I ascribe value, when I measure, compare, etc., I am introducing, continuing or reinforcing inner contradictions. And as we realize I think, contradiction is the root of misery.

Doesn't the realization of all this (if it is realized) hinge on awareness? Awareness alone reveals this whole complicated process - the process of fear, desire, measuring, comparing, evaluating, fragmentation, contradiction, time. Awareness alone - not thought - reveals the misery caused by this process. Is there more to be "done" than to face what awareness reveals? Isn’t that a sticking point?

C: I think this is what I meant by “but still I have the work of coming upon such action myself”. I am not implying that one knows what to do, that one is following a pre-defined system, a past idea (all ideas are dying all the time, in fact, so they cannot be followed), but one cannot deny that all this inquiry – I mean on the forum and off the forum – is definitely a form of work. Perhaps a lifetime's work.

Huguette . wrote:
The mind is afraid just to face the fact of fear, to "just" remain with the misery. It apparently still prefers the “action” of effort and conclusion, even though it appears to realize that such “action” is destructive, toxic, repetitive, uncreative, and ultimately does not bring about the desired change.

C: What does it mean, Huguette, "appears to mean"? Does it mean that part of mind realises it, and other parts do not realise it?

This has been a long term puzzle for me. Let us take the ‘realisation’ that the thinker is not separate from thought, there is no separate observer. When asked, when I question myself, there is not an atom in me that would say this is not a fact (which does not mean I am not prepared to examine the issue afresh). And yet every time a thought is born, it seems to be based on the assumption that it IS separate from thought – it is planning how to act on thought, how to control, to modify, to rationalise, how to escape, etc. It is assuming that there is the permanency of the thinker, that can act in the future.

So my ‘realisations’ appear to be fragmented, partial realisations. Incomplete.

Huguette . wrote:

Isn't the mind (me, you) conditioned to think that "action" is the outcome of a plan or decision, of resoluteness, effort, authority, physical or mental movement? And it is conditioned to think that awareness is “doing nothing”, that awareness is NOT action, isn't it?

C: These conditionings are in place, yes.

Huguette . wrote:
I think that awareness IS action. It might take time by the clock (or not) for the germination or flowering of the action of awareness but, inwardly, there is not the psychological fragmentation or movement of time. In awareness, there is no attribution of significance. The passage of time by the clock or calendar is not used as a measure of success. There is no comparing of "now" against "before", or of "eventually" against "now".

To fully face the fact of fear and not turn away from it when all my life I have been avoiding fear is a hugely significant action, isn’t it? To face the fact is not insignificant. It is noteworthy, it is not repetition or modification of "old" action. It is significant in itself, beyond the word.

C: It can be seen, can it not?, that this facing of the fact DOES have an effect on the ‘fact’. When the facing is total, there is a dissolving of the fact. Perhaps best to use the term ‘what is’ rather than fact.
This is hugely important, it seems to me. This may be the one true action, the only action that is not a form of escape. And perhaps the only action that is not conditioned.

Huguette . wrote:
All my life, I (the mind) have been avoiding fear through occupation and effort, including through intellectualization. Awareness reveals it, doesn’t it? Fear is THERE so awareness reveals it. Avoidance is there so awareness reveals it. I realize that whether I face it or not, fear is still THERE and it acts violently, cruelly, aggressively, divisively. I also see that escaping through pleasure brings its own fears, exacerbates problems and suffering. Pleasure distracts from fear but fear is still THERE. I see the chaos produced by fear and I see there is no escape from fear, and still I try to escape.

C: Are you sure, Huguette?if you really see that there is no escape from fear, do you (the mind) still try to escape?

Huguette . wrote:
So I ask myself: can I look at fear as “this extraordinary jewel” and not run away from it, not explain it, not rationalize it, and so on?

C: I feel no doubt that this is a crucial question. Can I face sorrow and not try to move away from it? But the term “face fear” seems to imply a division that is not really there. Facing means being one with sorrow/fear, does it not? No separation from it, no one to do any facing.

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